Kids, Candles, and Lingerie

“Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled” (Heb. 13:4).

Remember your honeymoon? Remember those days of being alone, kissing, cuddling, and discovering how wonderful marriage can be? If romance and intimacy are so very wonderful (and they are!), why does this area of our marriage sometimes get pushed to the end of our priority list—if it makes the list at all? I once heard a lady say, “That’s just not important to me anymore; I can take it or leave it.” Another girl exclaimed, “Lingerie?! That stuff stays in the drawer these days!” Honestly, I can see how this happens. Children come along, life gets busy, and our marriage is always changing to accommodate these additions. But in the midst of the kiddos and the busy and the change, intimacy can remain a priority.

In Proverbs 5:19, Solomon is admonishing his son to find sexual satisfaction within marriage. He tells his son to “let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.” Generally speaking, our husbands have no problem practicing this verse. (Commence the “Um, duh’s!”). But it occurred to me one day while reading this passage that my husband cannot find me playful and satisfying if I am not available to him. How can I be a playful lover to my husband?

First of all, we can plan for intimacy. We’ve all heard the analogy: “Men are like microwaves; women are like crockpots.” Isn’t it true? Haven’t you flown through your mommy day and in the evening observed your husband giving you that flirty smile? Didn’t you think, “What?!” We women have to think about intimacy throughout our day to help us to be ready for intimacy. We can do this by drawing a red heart on our to-do list, giving our husband a passionate kiss before he leaves for work, placing a steamy note in his briefcase, or sending him a racy text. Flirting with our husbands is fun, and it helps us to focus on romance.

Often, our romantic lives dwindle because we allow them to become routine. We need to creatively prepare in order to keep intimacy spicy. Make sure your bedroom is clean and ready for romance. (Resist allowing your bedroom to be your “catch-all” room, or the last room you decorate because everybody sees the living areas. Your marriage is important enough to make your bedroom top priority. Mamas have a hard time loving their husbands in the midst of a mess). Plan a fun, flirty night out with your man, and ask the sitter to have the children in bed before you get home. Or plan a fun, flirty night in, and send your kiddos to your sitter. Meet your husband in something you would never wear in public! Even on nights that dates aren’t possible, you can still prepare: put the babies to bed, unwind in a hot bath, forget the to-do list, light a few candles . . . remind yourself of how wonderful romancing your husband can be!

Lastly, find pleasure in intimacy with your husband. Please don’t allow Satan to persuade you that romance in marriage isn’t important or that it’s something you just do for your husband. If you’re struggling to enjoy time with your husband, get some counsel from a godly, older lady in your church. See your doctor if you’re having trouble physically. Communicate with your husband

If you’re feeling exhausted and overworked from your day, and together come up with a plan that will help you to be more excited for romance. And don’t forget to pray! The Lord wants us to have loving and spicy marriages that reflect the passionate love He has for us. He will answer your prayers for a romantic and exciting love life!

Action Points:

  • Are you intentionally planning for intimacy? Fight the urge to make romance routine!
  • Take time to plan a fun, flirty night together with your husband.
  • Don’t forget to pray!

This chapter was written by Bethlie Young, wife of Evangelist Dave Young.

This chapter is taken from “The Extraordinary Wife”. CLICK HERE to order a copy of the book.


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Harold Vaughan

View posts by Harold Vaughan
Evangelist Harold Vaughan is the founder of Christ Life Ministries, Inc. To date, his ministry has led him to preach in forty-eight states and many foreign countries. Click on "ABOUT" in the menu bar to learn more about Harold.
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