“Have you not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matt. 19:4–6).
There isn’t much that compares to the moment when you hold your newborn baby for the first time. A little one who has been a part of you for the last nine months is now a part of your family. There is such a special love and bond between mother and child that is unexplainable and beautiful. And if we aren’t careful as moms, we can almost transfer all of our attention, time, and energy onto this new life and begin straining the one relationship with which we have entered into a covenant.
The biggest war in our country is the war on marriage. Our nation wants to alter and change God’s view of marriage. The war on marriage is not a recent problem. Marriage has been targeted since the beginning. If the enemy can attack marriage, then he has attacked the image of Christ and His Church. As believers, we have stopped fighting this war when we put our children above our husbands. We too alter and change God’s view of marriage when we alter the roles laid out for us in Scripture. God has set up beautiful roles for the family that help us create a healthy, God-glorifying home.
We have the amazing privilege of raising our children, but we are called one day to let go, as our children then follow God’s call on their own lives. The covenant with your husband lasts a lifetime, but you have never been in covenant with your children. When we get our roles confused, we end up clinging to our children instead of raising them to leave. We disconnect from our husbands to raise our children, but we were called to cling to our spouse.
Matthew 19:6 says, “Let not man put asunder.” This command applies to our children too. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage is honourable in all.” Marriage is to be held in honor among all, meaning it is to be honored even by our children. Is my marriage honored among all? If not, ask God to show you how to properly prioritize your marriage.
How do I specifically prioritize my marriage after children:
- Ask your husband where he thinks he falls in your priorities. If it’s not number 2 (number 1 being God), then ask him for his help in reprioritizing your marriage.
- Set aside time each week to talk, walk, go on a date, or just spend time one on one. You might say, “I just don’t have time left in the week to do that.” Make time. For my husband and me, we try to set aside time every day to at least recap or talk with each other about our day. This is key to the success of your marriage.
- Be very open and transparent with your children that dad comes first. He is the head of the household, the leader of the home, and your first commitment is to him. Your children should be able to tell where your priorities lie. If they can’t, then there is probably a snag in the priorities.
- Create a dad-and-mom-only zone. We have always kept our bed sacred to only my husband and I. The kids are not allowed to sleep on our bed, even when we allow them to camp out in our room. They know they aren’t allowed to jump in bed with us in the middle of the night; we have a place for them in our room to do that if needed, but the bed is only for us.
- Make decisions together. When mom and dad both make decisions together, it shows the kids that you are a team. When you act as a team, it shows the roles so beautifully and portrays to them that you are united in marriage and that your marriage and unity are priorities.
Action Points:
- Spend time today evaluating your priorities in marriage. Ask God to help you properly prioritize your marriage.
- Talk with your husband about your desire to prioritize him in marriage, and ask him for suggestions to help you do that.
- Set aside a time this week for you and your husband to spend time together one on one.
This chapter was written by Valerie Hopkins, wife of Evangelist Mark Hopkins.
This chapter was taken from “The Extraordinary Wife“. CLICK HERE to learn more about the book.
