Have you noticed that interaction with certain individuals has the tendency to unsettle you? Spending time with them makes you question yourself, your motives, and your mission? This could be a warning sign that you’re dealing with a narcissist.
Elevators go in two directions—up or down. It’s the same with people, some lift you up, and others take you down. You must exercise caution because if you allow a narcissist to push the buttons, he will always take you down! In life, there are “taker-outers,” and “putter-inners”—those who contribute and those who diminish. Mark the people who always take you down. Better to take the stairs than enter a descending elevator with one of these joy robbers!
Megalomaniacs have an inflated opinion of themselves. They possess an intense need for the admiration and attention of others. They thrive on control and utilize relationships for personal advantage. Their extreme self-involvement causes them to ignore the needs of those around them. They are more prone to flout their achievements rather than hand out compliments. The story of Narcissus is the tale of a beautiful hunter from Thespiae who fell in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. The term “narcissist” originated from this tale.
Self-absorbed individuals develop superficial relationships to reinforce their ideas about themselves. Over time their obsession with SELF becomes obvious to their victims.
Signs of Narcissism
- Sense of entitlement
- Manipulative behavior
- Longing for admiration
- No empathy
- Depreciating and devaluing
- Spiteful and maligning
- Dishonesty and deceit
- Arrogant superiority
All narcissists are delusional—“For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself” (Galatians 6:3).
An egomaniac will deflect away from his own character flaws by projecting them onto you. He will accuse you of the very things that he is guilty of himself. His goal is to get you to question yourself… instead of him.
Though he may initially appear sincere and concerned, this is only a deceptive guise to hide his true motivation which is self-exaltation and advancement.
How to Deal with a Narcissist
- Educate yourself. Learn about narcissistic personality disorder. I know this sounds overly psychological, but do it anyway! Narcissists are likely to “cluster” together. Because of similarities, they tolerate and feed off one another. Abusers find people like themselves attractive. “Birds of a feather flock together.”
- Stay alert to Red Flags. When multiple friends point out concerns and similar problems with someone, pay attention. Listen to the people you trust. Wisdom is gleaned from wise people. There is safety in a multitude of counsellors (see Proverbs 11:14).
- Talk it out. Gain perspective from your confidantes. You need a small band of trusted friends with whom you can share your heart. True friends love at all times, and a brother is born for adversity (see Proverbs 17:17).
- Create boundaries. You have the power to limit proximity in voluntary relationships. Do what you must do to free yourself from the negative impact of false friends. This could very well include avoiding interaction. “Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge” (Proverbs 14:7).
- Understand that there is a time to completely withdraw from people who have a negative impact upon you. You alone are responsible for your own self-care. Your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical wellbeing demand that you create distance between yourself and harmful individuals. He who walks “with wise men shall be wise, but a companion of fools shall be destroyed” (Proverbs 13:20).
After you have been burned time and again by these damaging individuals, you must resist the tendency to become a complete cynic. Sure there are “bad apples,” but not all are bad. Never forget, not everyone has ulterior motives.
Real friends value you and care for you, rather than try to manipulate or use you for personal benefit. Appreciate the “good people” in your life. Your health and happiness will improve by neglecting false friends and nurturing true friendships.
Harold Vaughan
